I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
