I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
