you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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