Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
