can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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