Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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