You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
