Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
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As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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