Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
sarcasm needs its own font
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
