Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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