i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
