There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize