David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
