But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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