so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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