Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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