just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
