I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I lost the right to judge tonight
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
