some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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