I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
