he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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