Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
