whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
