Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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