How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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