i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
