I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
