she woke up with a sticky ear
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
