Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
