so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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