Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
