??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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