Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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