my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
