Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
is it fun? or sober?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
