My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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