a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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