He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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