I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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