my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
