chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
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