Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
