I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
