At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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