Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
