whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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