So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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