i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And then my night got REAL pukey
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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