Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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