It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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