Too much gin, very little bucket
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
