so that wasnt chicken after all
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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