tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
