you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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