maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
