Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
