You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
