R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
