I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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