from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
