there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He did a backflip because drugs
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