I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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