mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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