When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize