we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
