fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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