Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
