The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
