you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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