i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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