Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
